What to write in a sympathy card: 84 examples

Write it in four short parts, and keep the whole card to three to six lines. The Emily Post Institute's rule is to say what you truly feel, and it notes that a single sincere line is all you need (Emily Post Institute).

1. Acknowledge the loss: say you're sorry and use the person's name.
2. Share a memory: one small, true detail, if you knew them.
3. Offer specific help: one real thing, with a day or a time.
4. Close with warmth: a gentle sign-off, then your name.

Below are three fill-in lines for each part. Mix one from each, change the details, and the card will sound like you.

1. I was so sad to hear about [name], and I'm thinking of you.
2. I'm so sorry that [name] is gone. I know how much you loved [him/her/them].
3. My heart is with you as you grieve your [mom/brother/friend].

1. I'll always think of [name] when I [ordinary thing you did together].
2. [Name] once [small kind thing], and I've never forgotten it.
3. I only met [name] a few times, but your love for [him/her/them] came through every time you talked about [him/her/them].

1. I'm bringing dinner on [day]. I'll leave it by the door, so there's no need to visit.
2. I can take [child's name] to school on [days] for the next two weeks, starting whenever you're ready.
3. I'll call on [date] to see how you are. No pressure to pick up.

1. Holding you close, [your name]
2. No need to reply. With love and sympathy, [your name]
3. Thinking of you this week and in the weeks after. [your name]

The closer you are, the more personal the card can be. Use this table to choose what to include, then pick lines from the sections below.

A short sympathy card message names the loss and says you care, in one or two lines.

1. So sorry about [name]. Wrapping you in love today.
2. Missing [name] right alongside you.
3. I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my heart.
4. "Sorry" doesn't cover it. I love you, and I'm close by.
5. Holding [name]'s memory and your whole family close.
6. With love, and with gratitude that I got to know [name].
7. I'm so sorry. Wishing you rest and kind people nearby.
8. Grieving with you, and here for the slow days ahead.
9. [Name] made the world gentler. I'm so sorry.
10. Every good memory of [name] is with me today, and so are you.

For a friend, write the way you talk, and promise something you'll actually do. Casual words are fine if that's your friendship, and a promise you keep weeks later will be remembered longer than any perfect sentence.

1. I'm so sorry, [name]. I've cleared my weekend, and I'll stop by Saturday, even if it's just for a long drive to nowhere.
2. I love you, and I'll keep checking on you, long after the busy first weeks.
3. I keep thinking about the summer [name] taught us all to [skill]. I'm so sorry they're gone.
4. Whenever you want to talk about [name], I want to listen. Whenever you don't, I'll bring snacks and a movie.
5. I can't fix this, but I can do your laundry, walk your dog and keep you company. I'll come by Sunday afternoon and do all three.
6. I'm so sorry, friend. Your grief makes sense to me, however it shows up.

When you share the loss, you can say you're grieving too, as long as the card still centers them. Family cards can hold the nicknames, recipes and private stories that only your family knows, so use them.

1. I miss [name] so much, and I know you miss them even more. I'm so glad we have each other.
2. [Name]'s laugh was the sound of every family holiday. I'll help you keep their traditions going.
3. I'm so sorry. Let's keep telling [name]'s stories, especially the ones only we remember.
4. You took such good care of [name] at the end. I hope you know how much that mattered.
5. Our family table won't feel the same. I'll save you the seat next to mine.
6. I'm here for the hard phone calls and the paperwork, too. I'll come by Thursday so we can work through them together.

Use the word they use, "Mom," "Dad," "Papa," and add one true detail if you knew their mother or father. A memory of their parent is often the line they keep.

1. I'm so sorry about your mom. I still make the [recipe] she taught me, and I'll think of her every time.
2. Your mom cheered louder than anyone at every [game/recital]. I'm so sorry she's gone.
3. Thinking of you as you sort through your mom's things. I'll come help on any day you choose.
4. I'm so sorry about your dad. I'll never forget him showing us how to [fix a bike tire/cast a line].
5. Your dad's firm handshake and easy laugh made every visit better. I'm so sorry.
6. Thinking of you in these first days without your dad. If you'd like company, I can come by on [day].

Keep it very simple: say the child's name, say you're sorry, and don't explain or compare. Short is right here.

1. [Child's name] mattered, and always will. I'm so sorry.
2. Loving you and holding [child's name] close today.
3. We'll keep saying [child's name] with you, for as long as you want to hear it.
4. I'm here, today and in all the months ahead. No need to reply.

At work, keep it short, warm and private, and take work off their mind. If you sign a shared office card, add a personal line of your own instead of only your name, because a list of signatures alone can feel distant.

1. I'm so sorry about your [mother]. Nothing here needs you right now, and we'll be fine until you're back.
2. Thinking of you. When you return, I'll catch you up slowly, at your pace.
3. I was so sad to hear your news. I've moved Thursday's meeting, so please don't give it a thought.
4. Sending sympathy from the whole [team name] team. We miss you, and we're thinking of your family.
5. I'm so sorry. If you need a shift covered or a call made, I'll handle it.
6. With sympathy. Your desk plant is watered, and your inbox can wait.

Write to the person you know, and honor their love for the one who died. You don't need a memory: say you're sorry and that you're thinking of them.

The Emily Post Institute's guidance is to write to the relative you know when you didn't know the person who died, and to write to your friend when it's your friend's parent (Emily Post Institute).

1. For a coworker's parent: I never met your mom, but I've heard how much she shaped you. I'm so sorry.
2. For a friend's grandparent: Your grandpa sounds like he was a wonderful man. I'm so sorry, and I'm thinking of you.
3. For a neighbor's relative: We didn't know your sister, but we're so sorry. If you travel for the service, we'll keep an eye on the house.
4. For a friend's in-law: I'm so sorry about [name]. I know how close you two had become.
5. For a client: I was very sorry to learn of your father's death. Wishing you and your family peace this week.
6. For the parent of your child's classmate: Our family is thinking of you and [child's name]. We're happy to drive [him/her/them] to practice for as long as it helps.

Use the animal's name and treat the loss as real, because it is. A line about the daily life they shared, such as morning walks or a favorite chair, means a lot to someone who misses those routines.

1. I'm so sorry about [pet's name]. Your home was [his/her] whole world, and [he/she] made it happier.
2. [Pet's name] always found the sunniest spot and the kindest lap. I'm so sorry.
3. However long you need to miss [pet's name], that's the right amount of time.
4. You gave [pet's name] a gentle life and a gentle goodbye. I'm so sorry.

Say something specific to them and to the person who died. "I'm sorry for your loss" is kind but very common, and these alternatives feel more personal because they name a person, a feeling or a relationship.

1. I'm so sorry [name] is gone. The world feels smaller without them.
2. I've been thinking about you and [name] all week.
3. I'm so sad this happened to your family.
4. [Name] mattered to me, and I'll miss them.
5. Everyone who knew [name] is a little lost without them.
6. I wish I could be there to hug you.
7. I'm so sad for you, and so grateful I knew [name].
8. I'm carrying you in my thoughts every day this week.

Pick one small, true moment and say what it showed about the person. A detail, like how they poured coffee or greeted you, means more than big praise. A memory is a welcome extra, not a requirement (Emily Post Institute).

These openers make the first sentence easier:

• I'll always remember the day [name]...
• Every time I [ordinary thing], I'll think of [name].
• One of my favorite memories of [name] is...
• [Name] taught me how to...
• I still smile when I think about [name]...
• The first time I met [name], ...

Read your memory once more and keep it if it's about them. If it drifts into your own story, trim it back to the person who died.

Offer one thing you can really do, give it a day, and make it easy to say yes or no. Then follow through without waiting to be asked again, because grieving people rarely have the energy to remind anyone.

1. I've signed up to bring dinner every Monday this month. I'll text before I drop it off.
2. I can do school pickup on Tuesdays and Thursdays through the end of the month.
3. I'll walk [dog's name] every morning this week. I still have your spare key.
4. When you're ready to write thank-you notes, I'll come and address the envelopes with you.
5. I've put [name]'s birthday in my calendar, and I'll call you that day.
6. I'll do a grocery run every Saturday this month and leave the bags by your door.
7. I'll mow your lawn for the rest of the month, so please don't give it a thought.
8. If there are calls to make or forms to fill in, I can sit with you while you do them.
9. I can pick up family from the airport for the service. I'll get the flight times from [relative's name] so you don't have to.
10. I'll come clean your kitchen on Saturday morning, unless you'd rather I didn't.
11. My Wednesday evenings are open. I'll come by for tea unless you'd rather be alone.
12. I can watch the kids during the funeral, so you can be fully present.

Leave out anything that explains the loss, makes it smaller or turns the card toward you. These five are specific to cards; the condolence messages guide, linked at the end, has a full table of phrases to avoid.

• Details of the illness or how they died. The Emily Post Institute advises against dwelling on them (Emily Post Institute).
• Lines that start with "at least," or that suggest a reason for the loss.
• A long story about your own loss. One line is plenty; keep the card about them.
• Questions that need an answer, such as "How are you holding up?" A card shouldn't make them reply.
• A printed verse with only your name under it. Add one line of your own, even "Thinking of you."

On a first holiday, a birthday or the anniversary, say the person's name and admit the day may be hard. Send the card a few days early, so it arrives before the day rather than after.

1. This will be your first [holiday] without [name]. However you spend it, I'm thinking of you both.
2. A year ago we lost [name]. I still think of them every time I [thing]. Sending you love today.
3. [Name]'s birthday is next week. I haven't forgotten, and I'll light a candle for them that night.
4. If your first [Hanukkah/Christmas] without [name] feels too heavy, we'll come to you instead. Just say the word.

Sign with a warm closing that fits how close you are, then your name. "With sympathy" fits anyone, and "Love" fits family and close friends.

Yes. If you can't be there in person, InviteBird has animated online sympathy cards. You write the message yourself, and each card is $4.99, with no subscription.

It arrives by email or by text (texts reach numbers in the US, Canada, the UK and Europe). You can send it now or on a date you choose, such as a few days before a first holiday. The sympathy, loss of a parent, pet sympathy and in loving memory cards are linked below, and a card you mail or hand over means just as much.