RSVP deadline: how to choose the right date

Ask for replies about one week before a party and three weeks before a wedding. The bigger the event and the more your supplier needs to know, the earlier the date.

An RSVP deadline, or reply-by date, is the day you need every guest's answer. "RSVP by June 1" asks guests to say yes or no by that date, even when the answer is no. The answer tells you how many people to plan for, including how much food to order.

The local wedding row sits inside the Emily Post Institute's range of two to three weeks. The other rows are our suggestions from the work-back method below. If your supplier's date is earlier, your deadline moves earlier too.

The date that controls your RSVP deadline is the first one that needs a firm guest count. Ask the venue or supplier for its final headcount date, and what happens if the number changes after it.

• Catering: when are the final count, meal choices and dietary details due?
• Restaurant: when must you confirm seats, and is there a minimum spend?
• Activities: when do tickets or places become nonrefundable?
• Home party: when do you need to shop, borrow chairs or order food?
• Hotel room block: when are unbooked rooms released?

If several bookings depend on replies, use the earliest date. Be honest about the reason. "Please reply by June 1 so we can plan dinner" is enough.

Take the caterer's or venue's headcount date and subtract your follow-up time. The day you land on is your RSVP deadline.

Give the follow-up time a job. You need an evening to contact people who have not replied, a day or two for their answers, and time to sort out plus-ones and meal choices. A long guest list, or guests in other time zones, needs more time.

Here the host keeps four days between the guests' deadline and the caterer's. If the caterer moves its date, move the reply-by date before you send the invitation.

For a local wedding, set the RSVP deadline three weeks before the wedding day. The Emily Post Institute puts the reply-by date two to three weeks before the wedding. Three weeks gives you a full week of follow-up even if your caterer wants the count two weeks out.

Published advice on destination weddings disagrees, so our advice is to let the hotel's or resort's dates decide. When you book, ask for the room-block release date and the final count date, then set the reply-by date one to two weeks before the earlier of the two.

The Emily Post Institute also suggests mailing wedding invitations six to eight weeks before the date. With a three-week deadline, guests then have three to five weeks to answer.

Plan for a few of those calls. The Emily Post Institute says it is perfectly polite to call guests who have not replied, and that you have to if you want an accurate count.

Send invitations early enough that guests have time to decide before the reply-by date. The Emily Post Institute's timing guide gives these ranges; the wedding row comes from its wedding planning timeline.

Send on the early side for an important event or a long guest list. If your plans are not final yet, send a short save-the-date first and say when the full invitation will follow.

Put the reply-by date and the way to reply in the same line. Match the wording to how formal the invitation is.

Keep allergy and dietary details out of a group chat. Check what the caterer can provide before you promise a special meal.

After the deadline, check your list, then contact each person who has not replied, one at a time. A friendly call or text to ask is polite, and it is the only way to get an accurate count.

First check whether a guest answered by phone or through a co-host. Then send a short message that makes "no" as easy to say as "yes."

If someone says yes after the count is locked, ask the supplier before you promise a place. If someone cancels, update the list and check whether the cost can still change. Keep the final count separate from the number you invited, so a co-host does not order for everyone.

Before you give the supplier a number, count people, not invitations. Check every meal choice and seat against the names that are coming.

Add the date in the invitation editor under Ask guests to reply by. Guests then see an "RSVP by" line with that date among the event details.

1. In the invitation editor, set Ask guests to reply by. It is optional and must fall on or before the event date.
2. Decide whether to tick Automatically stop taking RSVPs after this date. It is off by default. When it is on, new replies close at midnight at the start of the next day, using InviteBird's server time zone rather than your event's.
3. Guests who already replied can still edit their saved answer after the cutoff.
4. Add reminders. They are timed in days before the event (7, 3 or 1, or a custom number) and go only to guests who have not replied.
5. Pick reminder days that land before your deadline. For the October 16 wedding above, a custom reminder 28 days before arrives a week before the September 25 deadline.

Reminders go by email only, so contact guests you invited by text yourself. If your real limit is space, Maximum capacity caps the number of attending guests, and Pause RSVPs stops new replies and changes until you reopen them. Design free, pay when you send — from $9.99.